Mackenzie’s Blog

“Whether we like it or not, we are wax upon which others leave their mark.” – P.M. Forni, Cofounder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project

It’s fascinating to discover why people look through the viewfinder they do. Why they perceive themselves a certain way and how they perceive others in relation to them. I’m continually astonished to hear how some people view themselves, especially regarding body image. How many times have you heard a friend go on and on about some “perceived” flaw they have of themselves while you’re left staring at them thinking, ‘They’re crazy! I never in a million years would have pointed that out.’

If you’re striving to update, enhance or change your image, whether it be for personal or professional reasons, you need to understand the influencers in your life. Start with the current perception of yourself and compare that to your future aspirations. Who are the individuals impacting your current self image? Are they friends? People on TV? Family? Business acquaintances?

Think of one perceived flaw you have of yourself. Where did that come from? Are you still hanging on to grade school taunts? Did you see a photo in a magazine and make a drastic comparison? Did someone make a hurtful comment out of spite that you took to heart? The foundation of any image transformation starts with the basic truths about oneself that are uncovered and brought to light.

Have you ever been chatting with someone and you find they keep glancing away from your eyes to the top of your head (or to your mouth, to the left side of your face, etc.)? It happens so frequently during the conversation that you start to get insecure about a non-existent flaw … is my hair sticking up funny? Is there food in my teeth? Do I have pen on my cheek? That person most likely does the same thing to every person they chat with; completely oblivious to how insane they’re making you by their unconscious (lack of) eye-contact mannerisms. But you’re left feeling paranoid until you can rush to the closest mirror for reassurance nothing is wrong. We are so easily influenced by others and we can never be prepared for it.

Once you’re aware of the influencers that have built the current perception of yourself, you can focus on future change and desires. I guarantee at least one person is involved in any moment of inspiration, especially an inspiration to change. Who are the individuals responsible for arousing the need for change in your life? What was the specific moment that inspired you to make a change?

What does this all mean?

The bad news: people are easily and more heavily molded by negative relations than good ones, leading them to crave constant reassurance to provide temporary relief to a low sense of self. Whether you realize it or not, your self-confidence is weighted significantly on your relationships with others — how you’re treated and more significantly, how you treat those around you.

The good news: there are endless opportunities for positive relationships in your life. You may not ever have complete control over the mark other people leave on you. However, you always have a choice about what mark you leave on others.

The best thing you can do is strive to leave the best mark possible on those you cross paths with. It’s a lot easier than it sounds. Smile at the stranger you pass on the street instead of ignoring them. Pay the toll for the car behind you on the freeway. Kindly notify a person that his/her tag is sticking out of their shirt. Make a point to maintain comfortable eye-contact while in conversation. A healthy and happy life relies on your ability to leave a positive, impressionable mark. So go on, get started!

-Shauna

Mackenzie Image Consulting

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Charleston, SC

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