You’ve Let Yourself Go – Image & love: relationship guru offers insight
I am honored to have Tommy Tuesday, relationship guru and author, serve as guest blogger for the following article on image and relationships. We’re all aware of the certain comfort level that’s attained when involved in a long term relationship. And a lot of times, that comfort level affects our outward image – for better or worse. Thank you, Tommy, for addressing this topic and for offering your insight on the significance of maintaining a positive image in our relationships.
Andre Agassi used to hawk cameras with the tag line “Image is everything.” I never really bought into that when it came to relationships, but a recent experience has made me rethink my position. Last night I watched an old Liza Minnelli concert that has been on my DVR for ages. And when she sang the song “You’ve Let Yourself Go,” it got me to thinking about why we do that, let ourselves go. The song is about a couple who have been together for a very long time and hubby (this is from the wife’s point of view) has let his appearance, as well as other aspects of his/their life, deteriorate.
The entire song is poignant, but these two lines tell the story:
You never care the way you dress
You stay unshaven, you look a mess
When courting a woman, no man is going to fit this description. Why? Because we are trying to impress the woman and to do so we have to present the proper image! Women do the same thing! We all know about the first impressions credo and we try our darndest to make as good a first impression as we can. We dress appropriately, we check ourselves in the mirror, if called for we wear our best tie, we have our hair well groomed and our shoes shined. We make sure all the colors we are wearing “work,” and we even take extra care to be certain that our breath is fresh! We arrive on time, we mind our manners, we chew with our mouth closed, we use proper grammar and speak only well of those from our past, never disparaging anyone. And we do ALL of this for one reason and one reason only – IMAGE! We want to impress, we want to be spoken of highly and we want to project a good picture, a picture of someone who is smart, confident, worldly, strong and in-tune with the times. We want to project an image of a person with whom a woman would crave to spend more time.
Which begs the question – Why do we stop trying? We win the girl, we get married, maybe have children and then somewhere along the line we decide that we no longer need to try to impress this wonderful, beautiful woman we courted and chased and wooed and convinced to marry us? That makes us no better than hucksters, bait and switch operators. “Yes ma’am, I know that isn’t the one you bought, but that’s the one you’re getting.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that not all men fall into this abyss. But all men should ask themselves this question – “Would I be happy if my wife turned into the curlers-in-hair, cigarette-in-mouth, bathrobe-full-of-holes wearing caricature that is seen in newspaper cartoons and passed around the web for laughs?” That’s what I thought. So take a good look at yourself and make sure the image you are projecting is the one you wanted in the first place and not the companion caricature to the one above. You know, the husband in fluffy slippers, a “wife-beater” undershirt, baggy jogging shorts and a two-day growth of beard. No one really WANTS to be that guy, but some men have nevertheless become him. Shame on them!
Dress for success, gentlemen. Keep yourself looking smart. Project a positive image. Your woman will appreciate it and will still enjoy being on your arm as she “shows you off.”
About Tommy Tuesday
“I am a relationship guru who is writing a book. After a lifetime of gravitating toward women and conducting countless interviews with even more women, I have come to the belief that men are simple creatures and women are quite complex, but that fact in no way precludes them from living together blissfully. All that is required is a little tolerance, some understanding, a modicum of mutual respect and knowledge of what the other person needs. The first three you have to possess already, the last one I can help you with!”
Check out Tommy’s blog here: http://livingwithawildcatinaphonebooth.wordpress.com/
-Shauna
Charleston, SC
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